Broken.

It seems as though it is a perfect description.

Defeated. Demoralized. Discouraged. Crushed. Broken.

I am certainly not happy, but I do not believe I am unhappy either. Perhaps discontented, yet content at the same time. It truly is a paradoxical feeling, and I believe it to stem mostly from simply wanting to no longer feel quite as lonely as I do on occasion. It’s almost as though I have lost the ability to feel anything more than the numbed contentment I seem to be encased in as of late.

I know it is merely temporary. Merely a phase that I simply have been unable to escape recently. Yet I still fear it not to be temporary.

I blame holidays, and especially boredom. Just having a few friends to go to a park with, or enjoy a drink, or even just someone to curl up on a couch with and watch a movie truly makes such a huge difference, and yet even that seems to escape me.

Broken. It definitely fits. My ability to truly feel anything beyond contentment is, at the moment, broken.

What, then, makes me feel as though things will change?

Hope. Faith. Courage. Confidence.

This is not the first time I have felt this way, though it is the first time, at least in quite a while, that I know the reason is truly loneliness. I don’t seem to have much luck meeting people, or at least that seems to be the current (and somewhat long-running) situation as of late.

I know, however, that eventually that will change. It’s all a matter of time.Ok, and maybe luck. A guy can hope though, right?