First and foremost, if you think this applies to you then you’re probably right. If you feel guilty or as though one aspect of this applies to you but not most, then maybe it is time to rethink your actions/inactions and decide whether to change or not (and yes, some of you may be paranoid for no reason when you read this, but I can’t say not to be). Either way, it doesn’t matter to me. I may not be the best person at keeping touch, but when I don’t hear from you for, well, practically ages, I really don’t have a reason to either.

This is, quite simply, the beginning of a change for me. Friends are people who try to talk to each other, who try to be there for each other, and who at least try to maintain some sort of contact. I’m going to be blunt: if I haven’t heard from you lately, or if after reading this you still don’t send a message and try to rebuild some sort of friendship, then I couldn’t care less. You see, it is time for me to work on rebuilding friendships with those who actually want to do so, and I’m not going to waste my time with people that either 1) are nothing more than acquaintances or 2) aren’t concerned enough to actually try to have a real conversation with me at least every so often. Does it mean I may end up being “friends-less” on some social networking site? Quite possibly. However, if I judged myself by the number of virtual “friends” I have then I would be a pretty shallow and unintelligent person.

So, here are the basics: I’m posting this today, June 17th. There are a handful of people that I speak to fairly often and that fit my definition of friendship. Those people automatically get a pass (If you think you are one of those people chances are you are correct. After all, it means we’re on the same page about whether or not we are friends). In one month (on July 18th) I’ll remove anyone and everyone that is not either a part of the aforementioned circle of friends, has not attempted to work toward rebuilding some sort of relationship, or that I simply could not care less about (yes, there are a few of you that I really just have no interest in what you say or do, and I’m not going to pretend to be concerned).

Obviously I’ve been bad about keeping in touch as well, and over this next month I’m going to work to rectify that based on who responds and who doesn’t. Maybe this is me being lazy and saying “hey, you have to make the first move,” but honestly I’d rather build those friendships with people that are willing to do so instead of someone who is going to wait on me to send a message first. If you want to and you’re willing, after reading this, to send me a message and establish (or re-establish) a relationship then I thank you, because that means that even with my flaws you can look further and see me, not just a person you once knew or thought you knew.

Now, here is my rambling letter to everyone, to interpret as you please and choose to do with as you please.

Dear <insert applicable name here>,

I don’t care one way or another about you. You choose not to make contact, not to speak, not even to send a quick message saying “Hey, how is it going?” every once in a while. I don’t blame you, I haven’t exactly been good at doing that either. However, the time has come to make some changes. I want to surround myself with people who are actually concerned about me, and who choose to be a part of my life and want me as a part of theirs. Quite simply, this means you aren’t invited to the party.

“It’s not you, it’s me” doesn’t really fit here. It is you, completely. I may not have helped the situation but let’s face it, you could have just sent a message saying “How’s it going?” and I would have eventually responded. Well, unless you were sending message after message, in which case you’re far too impatient for a response for me to concern myself with your petty, unintelligent conversation about the weather, a random “ice-breaker” type of greeting, or that gossip from twenty years ago that wasn’t interesting then.

Of course, I can be perceived as an ass at times. I admit it. That’s part of why I’m writing this letter. I’m apologizing (really it’s there, just don’t strain yourself looking for it) for those times when I was unapproachable for some reason, and am offering to rectify that mistake. All you have to do is send me a sincere message and continue the conversation (patiently), or at least show sincere interest in me.

So, to make it simple: I don’t care if you are “technically” family, a long-time acquaintance, or a new friend. Everyone is subject to the statements I’ve outlined above. Either you’re interested in me and want to rebuild our friendship, or you’re not. Either way, you have one month to let me know. After that, well, let’s just say “friends” counts and contacts lists will be a lot thinner and more manageable, so that I can actually focus on those people who do want to be a part of my life and want me to be a part of theirs.

 

- Jesse