There are seemingly few people who recognize the value of forming relationships without gender bias within the framework of Society. How often are the thoughts or questions of whether or not men and women should be, or could be, friends with those of the opposite sex without the implication of intimacy (and, in turn, infidelity) asked? Further, how often is it “ok in theory but not ok in practice” (especially among those in committed relationships)?

Let’s be clear, if a person cannot accept their significant other’s friends, regardless of gender, then that person has some other, fundamental reason for their lack of acceptance. Jealousy, fear, past experiences, lack of trust… the list is almost overwhelming when considering all possibilities. However, one fact remains that cannot be disputed: friendship (in all of its various forms) is important to each of us, and is not something that should be discouraged based upon gender.

Examining the Most Common Fallacies

• “I trust him/her but I don’t trust his/her friends.”
  This is, unfortunately, one of the most common answers heard when asked why someone does or does not approve of their significant other having friends of the opposite gender. The issue here is, at its core, trust. There is not a caveat when speaking of trust. Either there is trust or there is not, period. Implying otherwise is a common misconception that serves no purpose other than providing a way to blame someone other than a significant other for a person’s lack of trust.
• “I’ve been burned before and simply do not want to be in a similar position again.”
  While this is certainly a similar issue, the problem is more akin to fear than actually a lack of trust. Blaming a person for someone else’s mistakes is easy, and something everyone will do at some point in their life (I’m willing to bet on that one). The fact remains, though, that holding one person accountable for another’s mistakes is simply unfair, and can cause more problems than anticipated.
• “I should be everything he/she needs, not some other guy/girl.”
  This one is complete and utter ridiculousness. No person can ever be everything for another. It simply is not possible. Attempting to do so not only creates an unmeetable expectation of another person and places undue stress upon them if they fail to meet such expectations, but also belittles the importance of forming bonds with other people to grow and develop as humans. We are social creatures and, as a result, have social needs as well as individual needs. Depriving someone of either should be, and is in many cases, a criminal offense. Why, then, do so many seem to want to close their significant other into an isolated relationship that deprives them of learning, of growing as people, and of being exposed to the wonders and joys of all types of relationships?

Certainly this could be extended into a number of other topics, but the purpose of this post is simply to remind people of the basic premise of why friendships should not be looked through the biased lens of gender. Think about it next time the discussion arises or someone makes a comment that resembles those above. If you feel as though one of the statements applies to you, take a step back and figure out why. Communication with your significant other is far more important than bickering over friendship simply because of a person’s gender.