Thoughts triggered by the article: “I had sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty” - The Times
Although I cannot say one way or another whether I agree with the thoughts of the original author, this does help illustrate two key facets of human interaction that we as a Society seem to want to ignore:
- Consensuality and completely understood terms in a relationship, regardless of who/whom the relationship is with, should always be viewed as perfectly acceptable as long as no third party is hurt or misguided, and in fact should be encouraged.
- There is a misconception that two people must, without any exception or understanding, proclaim themselves to be unrelated and in a relationship in which neither dates (or becomes involved with) another person.
Why is it that we want to force everyone to adhere to a specific set of rules and standards set forth when we (as a generalized Society) cannot even adhere to them?
Through our ineptitude in understanding ourselves and acknowledging that other views aside from our own (or in this case Society’s view) exist we have, for all intents and purposes, effectively sealed the demise of those relationships we try so hard to create and support.
Specific example: Marriage.
It is no secret that the divorce rate is constantly growing higher, or at the very least maintaining above a fifty percent average. Many reasons are involved, but all seem to stem from only three root issues:
- Lack of experience / understanding.
- Failure to communicate.
- Pressure from one’s environment.
Lack of experience / understanding.
Obviously this one can fall to multiple levels. More often than not it is simply attributed to age, given that so many people marry right out of high school or college. Generally, this is a matter of someone realizing that what they thought they wanted, or thought they had, was not what they truly wanted or had at all. Basically, when one disillusions oneself into believing their feelings for another are more than they truly are, and then eventually meet someone (or through self-discovery) who helps them realize otherwise, then the relationship falls apart.
Failure to communicate.
Quite obvious, and generally resultant from other factors.
Pressure from one’s environment.
This one requires an open mind to view adequately. How often are we asked questions such as “well when are you guys going to get married?” or “it’s been (x) months/years, why not propose?” or “don’t you love him/her? Then why not marry him/her?” Often we even equate marriage with being the “next step” in a relationship simply because of how long two people have been together, or because it is what those around us expect.
Just because you do not understand one person’s relationship with another does not give you the right to judge.
That statement alone summarizes the general thought process we all should embrace.
Revisiting the original article, I cannot help but think that we should revisit our “knee-jerk” reactions to relationships and honestly consider the following:
- What is wrong with two people who are not committed to anyone else enjoying the company of the other?
- Why must there be a distinction between friendly love and love between significant others? If I choose to have a relationship with a friend that includes intimacy and other activities generally associated with a significant other, and my friend feels the same way, then that is our choice and not for anyone to judge. (One caveat, any and all parties involved, such as other intimate parties or any significant others must also be in complete understanding and agreement, otherwise that is not the type of relationship I am describing.)
- When two people decide to have a consensual, intimate relationship, and no one is harmed as a result (or potentially harmed, as in the case of a married person cheating on a spouse) that is perfectly acceptable. Is there anything you can honestly say is wrong about such a relationship?
Let’s wake up. Clear your mind. Breathe.
Now honestly ask yourself, what bothers me so much about two people loving one another in whatever fashion they agree upon and understand?
If you can answer that question truthfully and with a logical reason (as in none of the ridiculous answers of “it is wrong because I think it is” or “it is wrong because I say so”) then please send me a message/leave a comment. I would love to know what it is that I must be missing that is common knowledge.
For the record, I see no issue with any two people having whatever relationship with each other that makes both happy and harms none.
Categories: Personal, Professional
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